MAGNETIC REVERIE Page 9

  Greg brought me breakfast in bed. He put a flower on the tray next to a note saying: “Will you go out with me today?” This made me smile and I kissed him long. He really knew how to show his love. These were the small things that mattered. After breakfast and some intimate moments in the shower, we continued our tour around the city. I was full of energy. My heart was full of Greg and the love I felt for him.

  This time we went to the Old Town and spent almost half of day there. It didn’t bother us that the city was full of tourists. Because of them, the choice of restaurants was huge and locals liked that too. We enjoyed the waterfront which stretches for about half-a-mile along the river and looked at the boats visiting the dock. We passed a few historical houses and continued the walk through the neighborhoods from the past. Soon, we picked one of the restaurants in the area, sat at a table outside and ate watching people go by. There were many tourists you could see, so many people of different color, height, weight, haircuts, clothes. But my attention was caught each time I saw two women together, wondering if they were in some romantic relationship or not. People around didn’t seem to care about the sexual orientation of the pedestrians so it seemed that I was the only one bothering with this. I felt bad, really bad. I realized that I had prejudices regarding non-traditional couples and had no idea about it. Why would I categorize them in looking odd, strange, funny or inappropriate. It’s the love that they shared that it was important. The emotions they felt for each other no matter of gender and role they have in the relationship, either being in bed, on the street or dealing with the household chores. So this is how I believed it should be the right way to think about this from now on. People don’t fall in love with people of the same sex because it’s a special trend. There are no rules when it comes to love. No rules, no prejudices. This was my new motto.

  So for the rest of time, I was looking at couples just trying to figure out if they were happy.

  “Honey, do you think when people look at us they think that we are happy?” I had to ask him in continuation of my new philosophy.

  “Why are you asking me this cutie pie? Do you have any doubts? I am happy and if you are happy too, then we look happy. Happiness always radiates out of happy people. Simple as that!” he explained shortly and to the point and I agreed with him.

  Over lunch, Greg shared some jokes he heard lately. We had fun. At one moment I laughed so much that I splashed the table cloth with the drink I didn’t manage to swallow. The ending of the joke was far too hilarious. The waiter made a sign that it didn’t matter and I was sure we could compensate that with a bigger tip. I loved to laugh and actually I believed laughing was an important part of my life, like a necessity.

  We were married and we were around thirty years of age, which I believe is still called being young, but we were sometimes acting like children. We enjoyed amusement parks, eating ice cream and making funny faces and that kind of foolish stuff. I wished that we would stay the same as we grow older. I didn’t like when people live too seriously and suppress the child inside them. This was the topic of discussion with Greg at the end of our lunch and we decided that the best next thing to do is to go to the National Zoological Park, which was close to downtown.

  We didn’t have kids so we could enjoy it on our cadence. It is more of a compact place, but still allowing the animals decent room. We walked on the wide pathways and looked at the animals, surprised that it wasn’t at all that crowded, except around the pandas. Talking about panda, I remember first time I met Greg he gave me a panda with magnet. He bought it in the airport before flying to Europe as he thought it was cute and he gave it to me. At our beginning this was a nick-name that we used, but funny how in time you forget some things.

  “Come here my little cute panda,” and he kissed me soft and protective on my forehead.

  After so much walking we decided next to go home.

  Another day passed. It was so nice spending time with Greg. I felt so relaxed, so fulfilled. All this time, I didn’t remember about work and rarely I remembered about Claire. Also Greg didn’t talk much about his business, so this was somehow like it used to be when I first came here. Carelessly spending time together, going places, enjoying little things, admiring the big ones and most important of all expressing our love to each other.

  Days were passing by, nights without dreams as well. Greg and I were happy and talking positively about the future. The whole week passed and I started to get less frustrated that my dreams stopped. The more I was back to Greg, the less I thought of Claire, but I couldn’t forget about her completely. I believe in my subconscious she had already a permanent place.

  At one moment, when I consciously missed her and longed for her kiss so badly, I even thought going to the park and throw the coin in the fountain to make the wish that I want to see her again, at least for another night. But this was silly. So I just told to myself that this was probably it. A dream that appeared few nights in a row and that’s it. For a dream, it confused enough my reality, so I was better without.

  Friday evening. I love Fridays. Remembering the plans we had for the weekend made me forget about the nostalgic thought of Claire. We planned to go bit outside Washington DC with Greg’s business partner Thomas and his girlfriend. I have never been to this place and I was thrilled. The place was called Great Falls Park. Greg said that this is a nice relaxing area just outside of the capital. And for sure for all of us, after a working week it was something that we needed.

  On Saturday morning for the first time, I didn’t wake up surprised that I didn’t have the dream. Most probably, I felt like I was back to reality, enjoying it and forgetting slowly about the dream. Despite the fact that the kiss with Claire was one of the best things I had experienced in life, I had to forget about it. It would never happen again, for sure.

  It was just a dream, I repeatedly told myself.

  But not a regular dream! It was the best dream I had ever had and wouldn’t mind finding in reality. Of course, assuming that I wouldn’t have Greg already…

  But I had Greg. He was mine and I was his. Simple as that. Wonderful, as well.

  Dreams, I don’t want you to come back, ever!

  Soon after breakfast the four of us met and decided to go with one car only until our destination. It was the first time I met Thomas’ girlfriend. Her name was Diana and she seemed to be a very pleasant and shy young lady, and for sure she was deeply in love with Thomas. It was cute to see them kissing and holding hands. Every gesture was full of love, just like with me and Greg. Love was in the air everywhere and we were happy, enjoying our time together.

  Great Falls Park was really an amazing place with three overlooks of the Falls, trails along the Potomac River, and views of the Potomac Canal. There was also a ‘ghost town’ that was used during the construction of the canal. As it was bit rainy the days before, they told us that now it’s especially spectacular, as the river increased, so did the falls. The river falls under one hundred feet within a mile, over jagged gray boulders. The landscape is hard and the river unpredictable and rowdy. Lots of birds were everywhere. We were sorry that we didn’t bring the bicycles and we agreed that we will do that next time we come here. Most of the time we would stop to observe and immerse in the sound of the raging waters. It’s not quite Niagara Falls, but it has its own charm due to the varied landscapes. We enjoyed the whole day there, either separated or all four of us together.

  I felt that the water falls were one of the most amazing thing that I saw since I lived there. I simply loved it.

  It was there that I realized how free I felt to kiss and hold hands in public, and not have the need to wait to be within four walls to do so. I became aware of the fact that since we had left our apartment, it was the first time that I remembered Claire since I woke up, but also this was just for a really short moment.

  Chapter 7

  THE RETURN

  “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, t
hey never were.” — Kahlil Gibran

  The sunlight fell on my eyes, and that was probably what woke me up. I looked around and she was there, folding clothes by the bed. There was something nervous about her moves. She didn’t seem to care to be quiet so as not to wake me up. I didn’t give it much importance as I was finally back in my dreams. I felt happy, no matter how much I tried in the past few days to convince myself that it was good that I didn’t have the dreams anymore. Who was I kidding? I wanted to tell her that I missed her, because I really meant it. But I couldn’t, since she seemed to be angry with me.

  “Good morning, Claire!” I said in a soft voice, arranging my hair.

  “Please! Don’t you ‘good morning’ me.”

  “What’s wrong Claire?” I asked, stupefied.

  I had to wait for long for an answer. She looked around nervously, grabbing clothes and putting them back, making moves that made no sense. It was as though she had no idea what she wanted to do.

  “I know I said you can stay in this apartment as long as you want, or until you find something. But now, I really want you to go. It’s over, it really is!” she said and threw all the clothes in hands at me. They were my clothes, or at least I could recognize a few that I had worn on previous occasions. She left the room before I managed to react.

  “What? What do you mean Claire?” I screamed. I was shocked. For so many days, I thought that this moment would never come. Even if I convinced myself that it was better like this, secretly, I must have really longed for it. But I must admit that I didn’t expect this. Was she upset about the kiss? I know she said no at first, but it seemed that both of us were into the kiss. It was filled with emotion and pure passion. I got out of the bed and didn’t bother wearing my slippers or arranging my hair. I was more than shocked. “Claire!” I yelled. I found her in the living room. “Don’t do this to me. Why are you doing this? What’s wrong, dear? Is it because of the kiss? Did I cross a line? I thought you liked it as much as I did!” I tried to keep calm, but my voice trembled.

  “I cannot believe you! Mrs Amnesia, you really are something! I believed you the first time. I don’t believe you anymore. You know what? I was so deeply in love with you, your soul, body and mind and I really liked and admired you as a person as everything about you was so pure, so innocent. But everything was just a play. And apparently, the show is over, the masks are off. Do you believe you can do whatever you want with me? If I love you, it doesn’t mean that I will allow you to play with me as you wish, for as long as you want. This must stop here! This parody has to end today!” she said, with determination. This time, she left the living room and went to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

  Her words were like a tornado. I had nothing to say. Could that kiss have had such a negative effect on her? Was this some kind of irony at play? Was this a punishment? When you like something too much, there will always be something to spoil the pleasure with a tiny blow of the wind. Just like that.

  The magic of the kiss was gone.

  The kiss was gone.

  The mystery had evaporated.

  There was nothing left, apparently. She said it had to stop and I had nothing to tell her. She was too angry. I was not a coward. Even after such a short time of being together, she made me want to fight for her, for us. But she made it clear that she wanted me out of her life. It was a fight I wouldn’t win. I decided to pack up. But pack up and go where? Since this was just a dream, I could go out and wait for the morning to come. I didn’t even need to pack, since it was a dream. But on my way out of the room, passing the bathroom, I heard Claire crying. It touched my heart. I stopped by the door. I couldn’t make her cry each time I saw her! Was I such a bad person? Was this the other side of me that appeared in my dreams? Was this something negative in me that I didn’t show in real life?

  “Claire, please open the door! Please let me explain. Whatever you blame me for, I am sure I am guilty of it. But please let me enter. I want to explain it to you. I will do whatever you ask me to, just please let me inside!” I said, begging and leaning against the bathroom door. I stood there no idea for how long. I didn’t say anything more, and couldn’t hear Claire from inside, either. Slowly, she opened the door and since I hadn’t expected it, I lost my balance. She didn’t expect this either, so I felt into her arms. The weight of my body pushed us into the shower glass. But luckily, it didn’t break. There I was, in her arms, with my head touching her neck. She stood still, with her arms keeping me firmly in their grasp.

  “Are you okay?” we asked each other in the same time and that made us both smile.

  “You made quite an entrance. There’s another proof that you should be an actress! You enter the room and everybody notices you. Is it the hair, the clothes, the legs, the attitude, the way you walk? Whatever you do you can’t go unnoticed!” she said, smiling. The smile on her face was back! It made me feel good. There was hope and I felt a bit relaxed.

  “Well, except my red hair and choice of clothes, the rest isn’t something that I can influence. As long as I didn’t hurt you, I am proud of my entrance. I couldn’t have done it better even if I planned it!” I smiled and kissed her neck. I was too close to her skin to not do that. I hoped this wouldn’t cause a negative reaction from her.

  “You are a good kisser. Although you are the only person I ever kissed and I don’t have anything to compare with. I am convinced though that you are the best for me. But if you want to kiss me, go higher!” She didn’t wait for me, but pushed me a bit, lowered her head and kissed me, this time aggressively. I sensed it was like a punishment, but a sweet one. It was not as I imagined it, but better. Oh my! Oh my! My knees were getting softer. My arms were getting stronger around her body. It felt different to touch somebody of my size, but it was a really nice feeling. We were lost in that kiss and touched each other for a very long time, but suddenly, she stopped and pushed me away.

  “I love you so much and you know it. But please do not take advantage of it. I kindly ask you to have mercy on me as I can’t help myself. I believe I will never be able to let you go. But don’t you see that I am suffering? Please have a heart and save me from this misery. What will your next move be? We kissed again, and I know that you needed and enjoyed it as much as I did and our kisses don’t lie. It just showed me how our emotions and passion are still alive. Last time we kissed, you disappeared and I didn’t know where you were, why you left and if or when you would return. When days passed, I thought something bad had happened to you. I went to the police and told them you were missing. I called you and each time I got your voice mail. After a while, I realized that your bag is still here, and your phone. I was devastated. This morning, I come back from my early run and there you were, sleeping calmly and wishing me a good morning, like you never left.”

  I looked at her, not knowing what to say. I was in the same position where I couldn’t find a way to explain or apologize. Apparently all those nights I couldn’t dream were days when I was away from her. Now it was clear why she felt like that. Yes, she was right. I seemed like a total jerk, like somebody that didn’t care about her feelings. I needed to come up with an explanation. I didn’t want to play with her emotions anymore. She was in love, but she was smart, so I needed to find something good.

  “Oh Claire, you didn’t find my note? I left you a note saying that I am going away for a while as I needed time to think!” I tried to look as serious as possible. I knew it was a lie, but I had to do it. I didn’t care that it was just a dream. Everything felt real and I had to react appropriately. I started to care for Claire and I could never consciously cause suffering to people I cared for.

  “You left a note, where? Oh, babe, I didn’t find any note!” she said, with a relieved but sad face.

  Babe! She called me babe! I could pull off this excuse if I tried really hard! “I had no idea that you didn’t find it. I left it in the pizza box, sure that you were going to eat the leftovers. Silly of me, leaving the message in an unexpected
place!” I smiled, hoping that she didn’t even opened the pizza box the day after and wishing that she knew I could be capable to leave her a message like this.

  “In the pizza box? You left me there a message? You know how devastated I was in the morning when I saw that you are not here. I thought you got afraid because we kissed and it would make me think you are ready to come back. I was so sad, I didn’t eat anything for few days, so of course I threw the pizza box without even opening it. Oh babe, your silly funny way of leaving messages is sweet and foolish in the same time!” She hugged me.

  We hugged for a long time. It was such a comforting hug. Although I had known her for a short time, I felt like I had known her all my life. It felt good to be in her arms. She was strong and gentle. I felt safe and loved. I wasn’t proud of my lie but the purpose was good. We were calm and happy.

  “Where were you all these days?” she asked.

  “I was at my parents’ apartment. They are away so it did me good to be alone there.”

  “And did you?”

  “Did I what?”

  “Did you think? As you said you went away to think.”