MAGNETIC REVERIE Page 8

  Soon after I arrived, I wasn’t homesick. At our wedding, I was bit upset that only my parents could be present from my side. A majority of my friends from Slovenia couldn’t cover the cost for the plane ticket as they were either at the end of their studies or searching for jobs, so I didn’t even expect anyone to come. But I missed that. I missed Slovenian language and music at my wedding. But that passed too and I was enjoying my life.

  We went for honeymoon on road trip to Europe and we visited of course also Slovenia where we had a party with my friends. It wasn’t like a wedding, but mostly it’s celebration. I would have missed though not celebrating it with my Slovenian friends.

  On our honeymoon we visited also Italy, Austria and Croatia. We traveled by car through biggest part of Europe, however in Croatia we went on a cruise on the Adriatic Sea. It was one of the best weeks of my life. We finally got to rest more, enjoy the sun and the sea. Sleeping on the boat was a new experience for both of us. It was a small, wooden type of boat that accommodated like twenty tourists. As we were the only newlyweds we received the only cabin with its own bathroom on the ship. It was also very sweet when we entered and find in the cabin balloons and a bottle of champagne on behalf of the cruise. During the day the boat anchored on a different island and made few stops for swimming in different great places. In the evenings we would skip sometimes the dinner on the boat and we would go in the land to eat some local cuisine and try their great wine. Life seemed so beautiful those days, I even bought a perfume wearing the name La vie est belle from Lancôme as it seemed that the fragrance suited very much the happy phase that I was living. I just didn’t want the fairy tale to stop, but the time passed and we had to go back.

  After our honeymoon was over, we were back in US. Traveling was our main common hobby and it didn’t stop. I felt like every day was a different trip, as Greg was taking me around showing me everything what Washington DC and the surroundings have to offer. In time also my English was getting better and better. With so many foreigners and so different nations, it wasn’t a problem if somebody didn’t have an authentic accent.

  The people were nice, wherever I was going, people were smiling and seemed very opened. I received many times compliments about my figure, my hair or my clothes. I felt good and often overwhelmed by the feeling that soon I will not feel any more like a foreigner in my new country.

  Despite the fact that last night conversation made me feel that I should stop with the dreams I noticed a big disappointment when I realized that I woke up in reality. There was no Claire and her girlish bedroom. I don’t know how much was self suggestion and how much was real, but it seemed easier to continue my life in US as it was, looking ahead. Still in me, I often wondered how my life would look like if I didn’t leave my country. Maybe this caused that my dream took place in Slovenia. I had no idea how much my thoughts prior sleep could influence the dreams. Anyhow, I must live my reality, the life that I chose and make the best out of it with everything that had to offer. I decided to spend the day thinking as little as possible of Claire.

  As usually, Greg was already up, most probably in the shower or preparing breakfast. I believe I would never get bored to this routine as it was a tasty one.

  I kissed him good morning and hugged him. He asked me as usually how did I sleep and if I feel better this morning. To both questions I answered positively. Yes, I decided that I should live focused to the reality. Greg was my reality, so it was everything else that I achieved and built up to this age.

  I was more talkative comparing to previous mornings and Greg took my behavior as a good sign. He even proposed me that after work we could go together to the National Mall. It was summer, so it would be nice and relaxing to spend the evening hours in the bit of nature in the middle of the city. I agreed immediately, as this was a park where I enjoyed going each time.

  The day at work passed normally, I didn’t feel much dissatisfaction and also when I met Erica during lunch time I decided not to tell her about the continuation of the dreams. I was actually glad I didn’t share anymore details of my dream with her. It was too complicated to explain, anyway. But there was something in me that felt that my dream with Claire should be a secret from the whole world and I couldn’t explain why. This morning, I concluded that it was better to focus on reality as this mattered a lot. The dreams were confusing me. If they stopped I would be saved the sadness that I felt when I didn’t have them and I would not spoil what I had with Greg.

  Erica came with great news. She and her family just booked two weeks holiday on the island of Kefalonia, Greece. I was really happy for her. Actually it was me that I encouraged her to go to the seaside in Croatia or some island in Greece. The nature there is amazing, the sea air, the food and general atmosphere had always a positive effect on people. Looking at the sea, listening to the sounds of waves, watching the sea gulls flying and the breeze. This was good enough for a dream come true in the real life.

  I was though bit sad that I am not going to see her during that time, but she promised to write and send pictures every day.

  I was glad that I lied about my dreams. Actually hearing Erica talking about her holidays, I realized that Greg and I didn’t planned ours. Hopefully we could plan to go to some nice destination where we can relax and have fun. I put the thought on my ‘to-do’ list in my head and went back to work.

  When I entered the office, there was no one there. It seemed strange, but then I heard the sound from the meeting room. Everybody was invited to celebrate the fact that our colleague Emma was expecting a child and she was going to leave on maternity the next day. All my colleagues, me included, were so happy for her and she was radiant with joy. Yes, it’s a wonderful thing to become a mother, to hold that little baby in your arms. I stayed for a while with the others, but as this was my weak point, I decided not to stay long, so that my temporarily suppressed wish, wouldn’t come too much to the surface.

  I worked in peace till the end of working hours and then I went by metro directly home. I wanted to surprise my darling with an early dinner and also got dressed in more comfortable clothes and shoes appropriate for walking in the National Mall.

  While cooking I felt I am doing something good. Even though I wasn’t so thrilled about it, knowing that I would make Greg happy with this, brought me satisfaction as well. He deserves only the best from me. Yes I wished that the dreams will stop for good and hoped that Claire’s face and the amazing kiss will in time just fade away.

  “This is so nice of you, sweetie pie,” he said while kissing me when he arrived and saw that I prepared the meal. I was also happy seeing that this made him really happy.

  After we ate, we got ready and went to the park. This was an impressive landscaped area, quite long as it runs all the way from the Lincoln Memorial to the US Capitol, with many landmark monuments and memorials along the way, but this time we decided to visit the United States Botanic Garden. We chose to go to Bartholdi Park as it was a pleasant summer evening, the heat of the day started to cool down and bit of breeze was just enough to make our walk enjoyable and relaxing.

  We hold hands and talked all the time. We shared a kiss from time to time like newlyweds do as this place felt like a refuge from the stress of the city, and it did us good.

  We took an ice cream and I was thinking that it didn’t taste as good as in Slovenia, at least not like the recent one in my dreams, but I felt that the thought spoiled the nice feeling I had before, so I decided to ignore it.

  The garden had a variety of styles and design themes. We stopped by the centerpiece of the Park, the Fountain of Light and Water. The water was spilling from the crown over three youthful Tritons playfully holding seaweed and splashes into the upper basin. As it was already dark outside, the lamps surrounding the basin were illuminated and it created a romantic picture.

  “Make a wish!” Greg told me.

  I looked at him for a while, wanting to tell him that this is foolish, but I couldn’t reject his proposal.

/>   I made the wish and threw the coin. Yes I did it. And yes, my wish was for the dreams to stop. For Greg’s sake they had to stop. However for my inner peace as well.

  “What did you wish for?” he asked like a teenager.

  “Dear, you know that if I tell you it won’t come true.”

  “Yes, this is what they say. Well, I hope that your wish will come true. They say that if your wish is strong enough, then this is the message you send in the world and the universe will somehow make it happen. It’s just a matter of will, persistence and time.”

  It felt funny for him to express the wish to come true and of course I will never tell him what was that I wished for, even if it really comes true. He will most probably forget about it in next five minutes. This was just a romantic silly thing to believe in. Yes, it was silly to think that a coin in a fountain can help you with any kind of wish. But it wasn’t silly what he said about the message you send to the universe. I read the book The Secret and I do believe in it. So yes, this was the solution, if subconsciously or consciously I will really wish for Claire to disappear, it will happen.

  The walk in fresh air did me good, so I was really in a good mood and somehow for a moment I found peace within myself. Before we went home, we sat on one of the many benches from the park and I laid my head on Greg’s shoulder and we stood quietly for a while. I almost felt I could fall asleep. It was a moment of serenity. I honestly enjoyed moments we had together. Sometimes we loved our conversations, but other times we found the same pleasure in being silent.

  For the second night in a row, I didn’t have the dream. But I worried less about it. I remembered my wish last night. Was it that easy? You just wish it and it happens? Would it happen if I merely wished to dream again about her? No more of these thoughts! I was tired of them. I had to live in reality. I couldn’t afford to think about Claire anymore. No matter how much I enjoyed my dreams with her, this was totally confusing and I didn’t have the same perspective as I had before.

  It wasn’t hard to forget, as Greg asked me how I wanted to spend the day. My thoughts were preoccupied with that. It was a weekend, and the weather was nice. We decided to make the best out of it. I wanted to go around Washington DC and see all places of interest that we had once seen after I moved to the US. Maybe I chose unconsciously to go to places we went together to, in the beginning, when all I did was to think of Greg and our future together. This would definitely be something that would help me pass over what I lived in the dreams.

  “Great! We will do that. I never get bored of seeing them and wherever I go with you, it is always nice!” He kissed me and grabbed me into a strong hug. He knew how to kiss. I felt my knees getting soft. He must have felt it too, as we continued kissing and slowly moved towards the sofa in the living room. It didn’t last long, but it was intense. It felt like the initial few days when we made love. I was happy as I missed this. Without doubt and regret, I was happy to have Greg and enjoyed everything about him. We were both in a really good mood, enjoying each other. This was love, real love. While we got ready to go out, we tried to decide which place to go to, first. Besides the parks, Washington DC is a hub for politics and history. There were many places to visit, and plenty of museums. But the real draw was where the memorials and monuments dedicated to great American leaders were. We first went to Lafayette Square, which gave us a good view of one side of The White House. We walked around and looked at the statues, most of them were of overseas nationals who contributed to the development of the US. We went closer to The White House. We took some time to feed the squirrels, or at least trying to do so, and took pictures of them. They were so cute! They weren’t afraid of people, perhaps they were used to many people around them.

  We acted like tourists, thanking strangers to take our pictures together. Greg talked to one of the strangers who volunteered to take our picture, asking him where he was from. I was surprised to hear that he was from Slovenia. What a coincidence! Slovenia is a small country but people do travel more than average, so this shouldn’t surprise me. Of course, Greg told him full with satisfaction that he had married a Slovene and pointed at me. Immediately, we started a conversation. I don’t know why I wasn’t happy to hear that he was from Slovenia. I just didn’t want anything to remind me of Claire. The day was supposed to be about Greg and me! We exchanged a few words and went our separate ways. Greg asked me if I missed my country. We hadn’t talked about this lately. In the beginning, he was concerned about me being homesick, but with time, he realized that I had gotten used to the US and took it as my second home.

  “Yes, I do. Very much. And beside family and friends, it’s the food and some places that I miss the most!” My answer was honest. Dreams or not, this was the truth.

  “Maybe we can to go to Slovenia in the winter. I want to go to spend Christmas and New Year’s there. What do you think, honey? By then, work will stabilize. I will be able to afford to be away for a longer time and your parents will be back from your sister’s place!”

  I want to go now! I want to go now! My mind said. But my realistic side that controlled the other impractical side said the obvious. “Yes dear, this is a good idea. I would really like that!” I jumped happy into his arms.

  “Talking about holidays, are we going to take a summer vacation this year?” I remembered that this was on my unwritten ‘to-do’ list.

  “Well, it will be difficult to take time off this summer. We just got our first clients and we can’t afford to be away for a long time. We will try to compensate with short weekend trips. Is that okay with you, sugar?”

  I nodded. I was a very understanding wife. There were many places close by that I hadn’t yet seen. It could work like this, as well. We continued making our plans, visiting the most interesting places in Washington. We stopped at the Washington Monument, which was built in honor of the first President and then moved on. There were so many other wonderful places! Since it was already lunch time, I pointed at the US Capitol Building, and we headed to a place to eat. After a tasty meal, we went to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, where Greg told me about the place for the tenth time and showed me the spot on the stairs where Martin Luther King Jr. stood to deliver the ‘I Have a Dream’ speech.

  I was almost hypnotized by that spot and yelled, “I have a dream!” I was as surprised as the people around that I had said it out loud. Greg laughed and asked me what dream I had that made me yell like that. I was embarrassed for what I did. Maybe the dream was present in my mind, more than I wanted to admit. He put his hand on my head, smiling at how funny I was and how I made him laugh. I was relieved there weren’t any questions. We returned home after a tiring day, thinking of continuing this trip some other time soon. After such a nice day, a pleasant evening followed.

  Since our wedding, with time, the intensity of our emotions grew but the passion diminished in a way. This happens to every couple, I was aware of it. It was like the lust had decreased but the love got stronger. Part of me wanted to live the beginnings over again. Greg felt the same and somehow talking and remembering those moments put a spell on us. The night that followed, I was in heaven. My body was trembling with the pleasure I felt. I sensed in me a deeper connection with him. “I love you so much Lana… my Lana!” He lay next to me, putting one hand under my head, holding me tight with the other one. We lay down like this for a while, close to one another, talking with love, letting our bodies calm down after the intense passion we showed each other. Before I fell asleep I felt I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being loved and protected. This was what I wanted.

  Next day, Sunday, Greg woke me up with sweet kisses. I knew immediately it was him, as he hadn’t shave for a few days, trying a new look. His kisses were no less pleasant but I must admit I liked the feeling of a smoother, gentle skin better. Or maybe this morning, I was disappointed it wasn’t Claire. Anyway she was in the dreams, when they happen. He was my reality. We had a wonderful, passionate night. I felt shivers down my spine remembering it. On
e more reason not to think about Claire now. Greg was in the perfect mood and I didn’t need an explanation. He ordered me not to leave the bed and I listened. Honestly, I needed time on my own with my thoughts at least for a few minutes. The last few days without dreams were a mixed bag: I was happy for not having them but was incredibly sad for the same reason. These two contradictory feelings had the same intensity. I woke up again, realizing there weren’t any dreams. It was strange. Either I had the dream with Claire or didn’t recall dreaming at all. I told myself again that I had to keep my head closer to the reality. Less of Claire messing with my head, more time for Greg in my head and heart.